Out in the Woods

I realized that there is something I think about a lot when my mind wanders and something that was the biggest thing in my life in 2008 which has changed my life for better or worse. Somehow in hell I got a position as a hotshot. Pretty insane really. First year guys aren't supposed to be on hotshot crews, pretty much as a rule. Nonetheless, I got the job. There is so much to talk about concerning the job. I will certainly post more about it as thoughts come into my mind. I really hyper analyze the experience quite often and seems to be on my mind a lot. It affected me in many ways.
In a lot of ways wildland firefighting doesn't fit me at all. In other ways it's perfect. I will make a list because that's fun.

Pros:
*Get to see beautiful places all around the United States
*Incredibly interesting (fire and human behavior)
*Free meals, motel rooms, travel expenses
*Get to do very dangerous stuff everyday
*Receive a lot of respect and cred from all sorts of people (unfounded though it may be at times)
*Always put in a good day of work
*Live outside for a vast majority of the time
*Pay is pretty good, and it is hard to spend money
*Rewarding at times
*Cheap housing
*Learn how to work with all kinds of people
Cons:
*Body gets beat to hell (feet, back, legs, hands, ears)
*Work is very hot, noisy, chaotic and dangerous
*Hard to be a vegan (hating salad doesn't help)
*Lots of machismo, sexism, racism, homophobia, and plain old ignorance
*Work can feel fruitless and like "busy work"
*When not on fire life gets really boring
*Some techniques and actions are very environmentally destructive
*Hard to live and work with people who share few beliefs with me
*Work for "the man"
*Pay really should be more (a lot to explain on that front)
*Monkey butt, needle back, swamp foot (gross)

So that's a short list. I could really do that all day. I won't.
There are a lot of negative aspects to the job for a person like me. There are great parts too. They seem to even out. I certainly don't ascribe to a lot of the attitudes that are prevalent in the community but am able to function well. I realize that no one is going to change how I think and nor am I going to change anyone else (not too much anyway). In that way I found that it is easier to talk to people. Many of the guys on the crew came from backgrounds nothing like my own. Talking with them allowed me to see their perspectives and was very helpful in understanding them.
There is a mystique connected with firefighters. I was actually called a "hero" one day. Boy that was weird. In other places we were considered minions of the fascist US government (ID, MT, etc.). I met a lot of people who I think were put off too. People I would imagine in other circumstances I would have gotten along with. There is this assumption that firefighters are ignorant macho idiots. In a lot of ways that's a valid argument, but we also cannot generalize. There were a lot of very educated and smart people on the crew. And some who were bumbling ogres. That's how it goes. before I got into fire I read a ton about it. Lots of books for months before I got on the crew. There is definitely a romanticism related to the profession. It isn't romantic at all. It is painful, dirty, and covered in bullshit. But I want to keep doing it. WHY? Why the fuck is more like it. In all honesty there is so much that I like about it, that makes it worth it. There's a lot of crap to deal with but I learned how and was able to make the job what I wanted it to be. To me, and others as well, I found myself in incredible situations amazed that I got paid to be there, doing something crazy. There are some amazing that one can see and do fighting wildfires. Being a hotshot is the best way to see wildfires. I would never do it any other way (well, almost). I will admit that it can be hard not to get an attitude when it comes to being a hotshot. It is easy to fall into the rhetoric that they feed you. I will honestly agree that hotshots are the best firefighters. Hands down. But that is in the woods. I found that when I left the buggy door or the station to go back into the real world I had to leave that macho, prideful attitude there. Because in all honesty, all I did for six months was cut down trees and move dirt. Plain and simple. My dad thinks I try to be a tough guy. I don't think I do in the way that he thinks. Toughness is relative. Simply because most people don't risk their lives trying to put out forest fires doesn't mean they're not tough or that we are so much more so. I think abut my grandmother who raised eight kids, lost one as an infant, lived with a stubborn, jerk who was her husband, drove him everywhere, chopped into her 80s, and only had electricity and indoor running water for half of her life. That's tough. Or even some folks i knew in school. there was one girl i knew who had three young kids, worked full time and went to school full time with intentions of getting her master's degree. That is tough too. Or a young boy in Africa that has had to run his whole life because his lost his family to war and worries every night that he is going to get caught and forced to become a soldier against his will. That's tough. As a wildland firefighter I'm pampered. As an American I'm pampered. It's all context.
I'll write more on this in the future.